Persons dechurched through abuse at the hands of Christian institutions or professing believers often experience four "rules" of the dysfunctional family, whether in their church families, denominations or families of origin. These four rules - don't think, don't feel, don't talk and don't trust - are subtle messages designed to silence the individual in question.
The admonition Don't think stifles a child's development of original and independent thought apart from the thought of adult authority figures in his or her life. Judgments, ideas, and questions are buried deep within the self unless these views agree with those of the dominant adult. The child learns to placate authority by avoiding conflict.
For a while, this pattern enhances feelings of personal safety; in fact, it is deceptive. The game plan becomes one of keeping the peace at any price. A child who masters the don't think rule develops a facility in conforming outwardly to the ideas and opinions of others while repressing his or her genuine thoughts. Thus, the child never fully experiences the true self. Instead, the "split self" becomes the norm, with one set of thoughts being hidden from public view and another more accepted perspective being presented to others.
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Ms. Hammond makes a case that we create a false fiction of safety by trying to keep peace at any price.
What do you think happens when people are not allowed to be honest with their beliefs with church friends?
Like any relationship, there will eventually be problems. The longer it's put off, the worse it will be.
ReplyDeleteIf you cannot be honest with your beliefs with your church friends or your church body or church board, satan is in the midst of the situation. If your beliefs are being offended by the church, if the church is not open to looking at themselves inwardly and looking into their own personal submission and sanctification, then you are playing churchianity.
ReplyDeleteI avoided conflict for so long as a child, that as an adult when I finally stood up, I almost crumbled, and the family has never been the same. I was unable to agree with the dominant adult, and the family broke from me. The interesting part is that we are all Christians.
ReplyDelete