Many people leave their churches or are pushed out of them.
I hope you'll consider sharing your story here, so we might all learn from it.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Dechurched: Our hidden beliefs
Excerpt from "The Church and the Dechurched" by Mary Tuomi Hammond, pp 46-47
Persons dechurched through abuse at the hands of Christian institutions or professing believers often experience four "rules" of the dysfunctional family, whether in their church families, denominations or families of origin. These four rules - don't think, don't feel, don't talk and don't trust - are subtle messages designed to silence the individual in question.
The admonition Don't think stifles a child's development of original and independent thought apart from the thought of adult authority figures in his or her life. Judgments, ideas, and questions are buried deep within the self unless these views agree with those of the dominant adult. The child learns to placate authority by avoiding conflict.
For a while, this pattern enhances feelings of personal safety; in fact, it is deceptive. The game plan becomes one of keeping the peace at any price. A child who masters the don't think rule develops a facility in conforming outwardly to the ideas and opinions of others while repressing his or her genuine thoughts. Thus, the child never fully experiences the true self. Instead, the "split self" becomes the norm, with one set of thoughts being hidden from public view and another more accepted perspective being presented to others.
_____________________________
Ms. Hammond makes a case that we create a false fiction of safety by trying to keep peace at any price.
Persons dechurched through abuse at the hands of Christian institutions or professing believers often experience four "rules" of the dysfunctional family, whether in their church families, denominations or families of origin. These four rules - don't think, don't feel, don't talk and don't trust - are subtle messages designed to silence the individual in question.
The admonition Don't think stifles a child's development of original and independent thought apart from the thought of adult authority figures in his or her life. Judgments, ideas, and questions are buried deep within the self unless these views agree with those of the dominant adult. The child learns to placate authority by avoiding conflict.
For a while, this pattern enhances feelings of personal safety; in fact, it is deceptive. The game plan becomes one of keeping the peace at any price. A child who masters the don't think rule develops a facility in conforming outwardly to the ideas and opinions of others while repressing his or her genuine thoughts. Thus, the child never fully experiences the true self. Instead, the "split self" becomes the norm, with one set of thoughts being hidden from public view and another more accepted perspective being presented to others.
_____________________________
Ms. Hammond makes a case that we create a false fiction of safety by trying to keep peace at any price.
What do you think happens when people are not allowed to be honest with their beliefs with church friends?
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